Back to zero in job hunting again? + rain blues…
The southwest monsoon rains exacerbated my rather downcast and flailing mood of the late. The rain was non-stop today, which started as intermittent downpours last night to full-blown rainstorms at midnight.
The incessant precipitation was also concerning because it caused floods in some areas in the metro, but I’m relieved because we live in a higher terrain.
But really, climate anxiety is real. This monsoon rain almost feels like a full-blown typhoon. The sporadic pitter-patter on my roof and windows distracted and stressed me out while working, knowing that there would be homes submerged tonight, and people clamoring to get on a bus, train, or jeepney to return home or reach higher ground.
I’ve been already pretty distracted lately because of some work woes, and the blue, anxiety-inducing weather made it worse. It’s been unstable at work lately, with new guidelines to abide by, plus some unfortunate changes. The management announced some sad news, and we’re currently holding our breaths to see if we’ll be affected by these changes.
Since then, I haven’t been able to function optimally as before. It’s not that I’m staring at nothing the whole day, but it pains me whenever I remember the looming uncertainty of my future in the company.
Whenever I think of the uncertainty, flashbacks of late-night hours of job hunting would emerge: the horror of being ghosted by a recruiter, my reluctance to show my face on Zoom for an interview, and of course, the bitter pang of rejections.
I try hard not to think about it, but it’s difficult to find a client like I have now. They’re kind, pleasant, and understanding people whom I’m lucky to be working with. I’ve learned a lot in the past couple of months and I’ve enjoyed their company so far.
To divert myself from such thinking, I go to the gym on weekdays. Except today, though. I was a bit exhausted from yesterday’s workout and lethargic because of the chilly weather.
But working out daily does help. My body aches but in a good way. Plus, I feel like I’m improving my body and preparing it for the aging stage of my life.
Well, I do know I’m aging at the moment, but illnesses start to creep in at 30, so 30+ is what I would consider at this point as aging. So, now is the perfect time to build some good health habits as a foundation for the “aging stage” of my life.
I also want to maintain my 49-50 kg figure and make myself stronger so I won’t limp when I carry groceries or run out of breath when taking the stairs. And I just learned that the heart is a muscle itself, so it’s a great idea to keep it in tip-top shape and maximize its potential. After all, we only get one heart in for the rest of our lives, right?
I’ve been going 3 to 4 times a week now, doing arm and cardio workouts 1 to 2 hours a day. Baby steps, as they say, because I don’t want to overwhelm my body.
Surprisingly, I feel good about this investment - both financially and health-wise. I actually feel like I have more energy throughout the day, unlike before when I’d constantly lie down on my bed, feeling a little sapped after work, even though I haven’t left the house.
I’m also trying out different machines, reading various resources, and watching YouTube content as I build up my routine. It helps with my current work situation because I’m distracting myself.
Anyway, here’s some of the stuff I’m loving at the moment.
🎶Close to You by Gracie Abrams 📖Pageboy - Elliot Page 📺Dexter (TV series) 🍜Rice noodles with soy tofu and shiitake mushrooms 🍲Pumpkin soup 👕Gym clothes and UV jacket
I’ve been a terrible blogger/writer lately, but I will strive to write at least once a week to keep my logs more consistent!