blank and somber
Today has been a placid Friday, quite monotonous compared to the whirlwind of emotions I’ve felt each day of this week. This week's lack of movement and exercise has left a part of my schedule blank and vulnerable to somber thoughts and assumptions and also paranoia.
This year, I began cutting all communication with insincere and bitter people in my life, and the lack of strong friendships I have at the moment made me question my character as a person. Am I in solitude because of my bad judgment in character? Or am I just someone who can’t easily relate to people’s common experiences?
Those were just some fragments of thoughts that eventually spiraled down to paranoia because my back had been stiff since Friday last week, hence the rest from daily workouts. My hypochondriac thoughts were at an all-time high this week so I’ll be going to a doctor next Monday.
Anyway, I know those thoughts don’t define my entirety as a person. It’s honestly better to be alone than to be in the company of people who are unhappy with their friend/s'success, insecure, and thrive on schadenfreude. Those people, I learned with time, are the worst. I’m now at the stage in my life where drama, insincerity, and narcissism are completely unacceptable.
So yes, I’m beginning to fully come to terms with that by preoccupying myself with working out. It helped me give my brain a “chemical bath,” and sustain a positive attitude every day. But the problem is, I can’t work out right now and I miss it (and my gym crush)🥲
Despite these depressive bouts, I’ve experienced bright and happy moments, too.
Today, we received some pasalubong from Japan! I got this adorable Mofusand keychain from my cousin and also some matcha chocolate from Hokkaido and Sapporo. The matcha cake was to die for. I’m not a huge fan of the flavor, but it was mild, and the sweet and balanced creaminess of the sponge took over the cake.
Yesterday, my team lead also announced that I got the highest QA score in my team in September! Yay. I never thought that I’d rank one for my quality of work. I’m happy about it, but thinking about it now, this achievement is a double-edged sword. This means I need to sustain that rating/rank for the next months.
Anyway, it was a productive week and I’m proud of my achievements in my work, fitness, and productivity in home living.
I’m going to Carriedo tomorrow with my sister for eyeglass shopping and I hope I can turn off my racing thoughts for a while!